Useless Information @ Zahara.org

WHAT??!!

Fairy tale for little girls

Once upon a time,
in a land far away,
there lived a beautiful,
self-assured princess;
happened upon a frog as she sat,
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said:" Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes and bear my children
and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on lightly sautéed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't freaking think so.
*******
Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
            Yeah, it comes with all of Ken's stuff.
*
College Degrees:

    The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

    The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

    The graduate with an Accounting degree Asks, "How much will it cost?"

    The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on."

    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

    After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"

    "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

    "Great!" the husband says, "Did he give you the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information you may be able to prevent avoidable exposure.

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
   1. Elvis is dead.
   2. Jesus was not white.
   3. Rap music is here to stay.
   4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
   5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
   6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
   7. A 5 year old child is too big for a stroller.
   8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
   9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
   10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal....

   10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
   1. Hickey's are not attractive.
   2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
   3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
   4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
   5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
   6.Jump out and run is not in any insurance policies.
   7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
     8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is not a fashion statement.
   9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
   10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal....

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
   1. O.J. did it.
   2. Tupac is dead.
   3. Teeth should not be decorated.
   4. Weddings should start on time.
   5. Your pastor doesn't know everything..
   6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
   7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
   8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
   9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
   10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car
*******
An Irish daughter had not been home to visit her parents for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her: "Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through??!!"
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."
"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family -- I don't ever want to see you again!"
"OK, Dad -- as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this fur coat, title deeds to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a savings account certificate for £5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex. And for you Daddy, the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)...an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."
"Now what was it you said you had become?
The girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff, sniff"
"Oh! Be Jesus! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!"
*******
Blonde Shopping:
*******
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

    "Hello?"

    "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

    "Yes."

    "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

    "What's the price?"

    "Only $1,500.00."

    "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "

    "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "

    "What price did he quote you?"

    "Only $60,000 ... "

    "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

    "Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "

    "What?"

    "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and ... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... "

    "How much are they asking?"

    "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price ... and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... "

    "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"

    "OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

    "Bye ... I do too ... "

    The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:

    "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the
exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation,
"I now pronounce you man and wife."
*******

One day, two old men from a retirement home were sitting on the front porch retirement home. One man says to the other, "Ya know, Bill, if you think about it, we are not that old. I mean, my memory is still very good." As the man said this, he knocked on the wood chair beside him."Actually, sharp as ever.
After a couple of seconds of silence the first man starts to talk again and says, "So, is anyone going to get the door, or do I have to?"


*******

A Chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
      The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette,
with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and
says,
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

.



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